Thursday, November 13, 2008

Powerful Spell 1,2,3.

A man had been troubled by his inability to achieve an erection.

After visiting numerous doctors and not getting any help he decided to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor threw some herbs in the fire,shook his rattle,and danced wildly.

When he was through he said,

'I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. When you are ready just say...1,2,3, and you will get the largest erection that you have ever had. After your wife has been satisfied she simply has to say, 1,2,3 and it will be gone for one year.'

Later that night as the man lay in bed he said to his wife,'Watch this! 1,2,3!' His organ sprang to life, larger and stiffer than ever before.

His wife was amazed, she smiled and said,'That's great! But what did you say 1,2,3, for?

Disgusting word written on the board

One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard,

she noticed someone had written the word 'PENIS' in tiny letters.

She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guily face.

Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class.

The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'PENIS' again; this time written about halfway across the board.

Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one.

Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: 'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.'

Salman is an idiot

Salman Khan arrives home to find 'Salman is an idiot' written right in front of his door.

He says to his friend: 'That's strange - this seems to be written in urine.... Do some tests and find out who did it.'

Later that day, his friend returns to Salman.

'Bad news, I'm afraid! The urine is that of Vivek Oberoi!' 'I would have expected that...', Salman says,

'Why is that bad?' 'Well, the handwriting is Aishwarya's!'

Grandma's free Oranges

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them.

The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied,"Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Explaining Balloons

Little Johnny walks into his Mother's room and catches her topless.

"Mommy, Mommy, what are those?" he says, pointing to her breasts.

"Well, Son, these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.

Two days later, while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen.

"Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Elise is dying!"

"What do you mean?" says his Mother.

"Well, she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out.

Daddy is trying to blow them up for her, and she keeps yelling, 'God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!'

Monday, November 3, 2008

Chocolate Puma - Always and Forever [ re-remixed ]