Funny Real Life Experiences

Just thought to bring a cute smile on your face....

Ever spoken and wished you could take the words back, or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do.... [ Real experiences ]

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I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blo* job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back.

My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

--------------------------------------Melinda Lowe, 39,

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An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.

-------------------------------------Kathy Newman, 46

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I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.

Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards.

Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.

Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror

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I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.

He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

---------------------------------------- Colleen Collins, 31

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My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts.

As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

----------------------------------------Faye Emerick, 34

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This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any.....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

The Clever Women

The Clever Women

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world."
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied,
"That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said,
"That will make your husband the richest man in the world.And he will be ten times richer than you. "
The woman said,
"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show


PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Some More of Rajanikanth

1. Rajanikanth makes onions cry.


2. 
   Rajanikanth can delete the Recycling Bin.


3. 
   Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajanikanth’ PC will crash.


4. 
   Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
   Rajanikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.


5. 
   Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.


6. 
   Rajanikanth can drown a fish.


7. 
   Rajanikanth can play the violin…… …with a piano.


8. 
   When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.


9. 
   Rajanikanth once had a heart attack…… ……… his heart lost.


10. 
    When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.


11. 
    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.


12. 
    The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.


13. 
    Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.


14. 
    Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.


15. 
    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


16. 
    Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.


17. 
    If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajanikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”


18. 
    Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.


19. 
    Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.


20. 
    When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.


21. 
    Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.


22. 
    Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.


23. 
    Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.


24. 
    There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.


25. 
    Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.


26. 
    Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.


27. 
    It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.


28. 
    Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”.


29. 
    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.


30. 
    Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.


31. 
    Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.


32. 
    Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.


33. 
    With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.


34. 
    The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

Sardar Joke

> A mad dog is chasing a sardar. The sardar laughs while running.

Know > why?

> > He says mera to Airtel hai phir bhi Hutch ka network follow kar raha > hai.

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> Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.

> > I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my

> kidney.

COMPANY RULES WHICH ARE CHANGING

COMPANY RULES WHICH ARE CHANGING


It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days :
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days :
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called your weekly offs

Bereavement Leave :
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break :
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
XYZ company